![[Review] How to Talk When Kids Won't Listen (Joanna Faber) Summarized](https://episodes.castos.com/660078c6833215-59505987/images/2316670/c1a-085k3-mkg04k1makkz-ejfhrp.jpg)
Show Notes
How to Talk When Kids Won't Listen (Joanna Faber)
- Amazon USA Store: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08LDX91L6?tag=9natree-20
- Amazon Worldwide Store: https://global.buys.trade/How-to-Talk-When-Kids-Won%27t-Listen-Joanna-Faber.html
- Apple Books: https://books.apple.com/us/audiobook/how-to-talk-so-little-kids-will-listen-unabridged/id1446155882?itsct=books_box_link&itscg=30200&ls=1&at=1001l3bAw&ct=9natree
- eBay: https://www.ebay.com/sch/i.html?_nkw=How+to+Talk+When+Kids+Won+t+Listen+Joanna+Faber+&mkcid=1&mkrid=711-53200-19255-0&siteid=0&campid=5339060787&customid=9natree&toolid=10001&mkevt=1
- Read more: https://mybook.top/read/B08LDX91L6/
#parentingcommunication #childbehaviorchallenges #tantrumsandmeltdowns #siblingconflict #positivediscipline #emotionregulation #defianceandcooperation #HowtoTalkWhenKidsWontListen
These are takeaways from this book.
Firstly, Connection Before Correction in High Emotion Moments, A central theme is that discipline works best when a child feels understood, especially during intense emotion. Instead of starting with lectures or punishment, the approach prioritizes acknowledging feelings and describing what you see. This does not mean agreeing with the behavior; it means naming the experience so the child can calm down enough to cooperate. The book emphasizes that kids often cannot access reasoning when they are flooded, so the parent first aims for regulation, then guidance. Practical tools include short validating statements, a calm tone, and language that separates the child from the behavior. This connection-first stance can reduce power struggles because the child is less likely to interpret the parent as an enemy. It also supports long-term emotional literacy by giving children words for internal states. The method is particularly relevant for meltdowns and whining, where a child may be stuck in a loop of frustration, fatigue, or disappointment. By focusing on empathy and simple, nonjudgmental observations, parents can lower defensiveness and create conditions where limits and solutions are more likely to stick.
Secondly, Responding to Whining, Backtalk, and Defiance Without Escalation, The book tackles the everyday behaviors that wear parents down: whining for attention, talking back, refusing instructions, and testing limits. Rather than meeting intensity with intensity, it encourages parents to set boundaries with fewer words and more clarity. One strategy is to translate the complaint into a neutral request, then offer limited choices that preserve the parents authority while giving the child a sense of control. Another is to state expectations briefly, then follow through without repeated warnings that invite negotiation. The guidance also highlights how often defiance is fueled by disconnection, hunger, transitions, or a history of being misunderstood. By identifying patterns, parents can adjust routines and expectations to prevent blowups. The book also supports parents in handling disrespect without shaming, using language that is firm but not humiliating. This matters because shame often intensifies misbehavior or withdrawal. The overall message is that a parent can be kind and still be in charge, and that consistency paired with respectful communication often reduces the need for dramatic consequences.
Thirdly, Sibling Fighting and Conflict as Skill Building Opportunities, Sibling conflict is framed not simply as misbehavior but as a chance to teach negotiation, perspective taking, and self-advocacy. The book offers ways to intervene without becoming a referee who assigns blame. A key move is to describe the problem you observe and state the boundary around safety and respect, then invite the children to generate solutions. When kids are too heated to collaborate, the parent first separates and calms, then returns to problem solving later. The approach also acknowledges that fairness is complicated; children often keep score, so parents are encouraged to focus on meeting needs rather than proving impartiality. Another helpful idea is coaching language that helps children express wants without attacks, such as naming what they want and what they can do instead of hitting or insulting. Over time, this reduces the frequency and intensity of fights because kids gain scripts for conflict. The book also recognizes that parents may need to adjust environments and routines, like creating separate spaces, setting turn-taking systems, and anticipating flashpoints such as screen time or shared toys, to support success.
Fourthly, Handling Meltdowns, Anxiety, and Big Feelings With Nervous System Awareness, Many parenting tools fail when a child is overwhelmed, and the book addresses this by treating regulation as the foundation of cooperation. It encourages parents to notice early signs of dysregulation and to respond in ways that soothe rather than provoke. This can include reducing verbal input, offering physical comfort if welcomed, and using predictable routines that help children feel safe. The approach is compatible with the idea that children have developing brains and limited capacity for impulse control, especially when tired, hungry, or overstimulated. It also points out that parents need tools for their own regulation, because an adult who is escalating cannot help a child de-escalate. The book guides readers to avoid common traps such as arguing during a meltdown, threatening consequences that cannot be enforced, or demanding eye contact and apologies while the child is still flooded. After calm returns, the parent can revisit what happened, teach coping strategies, and plan for next time. This two-phase model, regulate first, then reflect, helps families move from crisis management to skill building.
Lastly, Problem Solving, Consequences, and Follow Through That Preserve the Relationship, Beyond de-escalation, the book addresses what to do after the storm: setting limits, repairing ruptures, and guiding behavior change without relying on harsh punishment. It emphasizes consequences that are clear, related, and enforceable, along with communication that avoids sarcasm and moralizing. Instead of long speeches, the parent states the boundary, describes what will happen next, and follows through calmly. The book also supports collaborative problem solving when appropriate, inviting children to participate in creating plans, which increases buy-in and builds executive function skills. Repair is another important component: parents can acknowledge their own mistakes, model accountability, and reconnect, which strengthens trust. The approach suggests that many behavior challenges are actually skill gaps in areas like frustration tolerance, flexibility, or communication, so the goal is teaching, not winning. By combining empathy with structure, the strategies aim to reduce repeated battles and help children internalize self-control. Families that adopt this style often report a more peaceful household and a stronger parent-child bond, because the child experiences both warmth and dependable leadership.
- Amazon USA Store: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08LDX91L6?tag=9natree-20
- Amazon Worldwide Store: https://global.buys.trade/How-to-Talk-When-Kids-Won%27t-Listen-Joanna-Faber.html
- Apple Books: https://books.apple.com/us/audiobook/how-to-talk-so-little-kids-will-listen-unabridged/id1446155882?itsct=books_box_link&itscg=30200&ls=1&at=1001l3bAw&ct=9natree
- eBay: https://www.ebay.com/sch/i.html?_nkw=How+to+Talk+When+Kids+Won+t+Listen+Joanna+Faber+&mkcid=1&mkrid=711-53200-19255-0&siteid=0&campid=5339060787&customid=9natree&toolid=10001&mkevt=1
- Read more: https://mybook.top/read/B08LDX91L6/
#parentingcommunication #childbehaviorchallenges #tantrumsandmeltdowns #siblingconflict #positivediscipline #emotionregulation #defianceandcooperation #HowtoTalkWhenKidsWontListen
These are takeaways from this book.
Firstly, Connection Before Correction in High Emotion Moments, A central theme is that discipline works best when a child feels understood, especially during intense emotion. Instead of starting with lectures or punishment, the approach prioritizes acknowledging feelings and describing what you see. This does not mean agreeing with the behavior; it means naming the experience so the child can calm down enough to cooperate. The book emphasizes that kids often cannot access reasoning when they are flooded, so the parent first aims for regulation, then guidance. Practical tools include short validating statements, a calm tone, and language that separates the child from the behavior. This connection-first stance can reduce power struggles because the child is less likely to interpret the parent as an enemy. It also supports long-term emotional literacy by giving children words for internal states. The method is particularly relevant for meltdowns and whining, where a child may be stuck in a loop of frustration, fatigue, or disappointment. By focusing on empathy and simple, nonjudgmental observations, parents can lower defensiveness and create conditions where limits and solutions are more likely to stick.
Secondly, Responding to Whining, Backtalk, and Defiance Without Escalation, The book tackles the everyday behaviors that wear parents down: whining for attention, talking back, refusing instructions, and testing limits. Rather than meeting intensity with intensity, it encourages parents to set boundaries with fewer words and more clarity. One strategy is to translate the complaint into a neutral request, then offer limited choices that preserve the parents authority while giving the child a sense of control. Another is to state expectations briefly, then follow through without repeated warnings that invite negotiation. The guidance also highlights how often defiance is fueled by disconnection, hunger, transitions, or a history of being misunderstood. By identifying patterns, parents can adjust routines and expectations to prevent blowups. The book also supports parents in handling disrespect without shaming, using language that is firm but not humiliating. This matters because shame often intensifies misbehavior or withdrawal. The overall message is that a parent can be kind and still be in charge, and that consistency paired with respectful communication often reduces the need for dramatic consequences.
Thirdly, Sibling Fighting and Conflict as Skill Building Opportunities, Sibling conflict is framed not simply as misbehavior but as a chance to teach negotiation, perspective taking, and self-advocacy. The book offers ways to intervene without becoming a referee who assigns blame. A key move is to describe the problem you observe and state the boundary around safety and respect, then invite the children to generate solutions. When kids are too heated to collaborate, the parent first separates and calms, then returns to problem solving later. The approach also acknowledges that fairness is complicated; children often keep score, so parents are encouraged to focus on meeting needs rather than proving impartiality. Another helpful idea is coaching language that helps children express wants without attacks, such as naming what they want and what they can do instead of hitting or insulting. Over time, this reduces the frequency and intensity of fights because kids gain scripts for conflict. The book also recognizes that parents may need to adjust environments and routines, like creating separate spaces, setting turn-taking systems, and anticipating flashpoints such as screen time or shared toys, to support success.
Fourthly, Handling Meltdowns, Anxiety, and Big Feelings With Nervous System Awareness, Many parenting tools fail when a child is overwhelmed, and the book addresses this by treating regulation as the foundation of cooperation. It encourages parents to notice early signs of dysregulation and to respond in ways that soothe rather than provoke. This can include reducing verbal input, offering physical comfort if welcomed, and using predictable routines that help children feel safe. The approach is compatible with the idea that children have developing brains and limited capacity for impulse control, especially when tired, hungry, or overstimulated. It also points out that parents need tools for their own regulation, because an adult who is escalating cannot help a child de-escalate. The book guides readers to avoid common traps such as arguing during a meltdown, threatening consequences that cannot be enforced, or demanding eye contact and apologies while the child is still flooded. After calm returns, the parent can revisit what happened, teach coping strategies, and plan for next time. This two-phase model, regulate first, then reflect, helps families move from crisis management to skill building.
Lastly, Problem Solving, Consequences, and Follow Through That Preserve the Relationship, Beyond de-escalation, the book addresses what to do after the storm: setting limits, repairing ruptures, and guiding behavior change without relying on harsh punishment. It emphasizes consequences that are clear, related, and enforceable, along with communication that avoids sarcasm and moralizing. Instead of long speeches, the parent states the boundary, describes what will happen next, and follows through calmly. The book also supports collaborative problem solving when appropriate, inviting children to participate in creating plans, which increases buy-in and builds executive function skills. Repair is another important component: parents can acknowledge their own mistakes, model accountability, and reconnect, which strengthens trust. The approach suggests that many behavior challenges are actually skill gaps in areas like frustration tolerance, flexibility, or communication, so the goal is teaching, not winning. By combining empathy with structure, the strategies aim to reduce repeated battles and help children internalize self-control. Families that adopt this style often report a more peaceful household and a stronger parent-child bond, because the child experiences both warmth and dependable leadership.
