![[Review] Not Nice (Aziz Gazipura) Summarized](https://episodes.castos.com/660078c6833215-59505987/images/2329118/c1a-085k3-250n0ggrikjg-iqd8hb.jpg)
Show Notes
Not Nice (Aziz Gazipura)
- Amazon USA Store: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B076VVH14M?tag=9natree-20
- Amazon Worldwide Store: https://global.buys.trade/Not-Nice-Aziz-Gazipura.html
- Apple Books: https://books.apple.com/us/audiobook/not-nice-stop-people-pleasing-staying-silent-feeling/id1319441691?itsct=books_box_link&itscg=30200&ls=1&at=1001l3bAw&ct=9natree
- eBay: https://www.ebay.com/sch/i.html?_nkw=Not+Nice+Aziz+Gazipura+&mkcid=1&mkrid=711-53200-19255-0&siteid=0&campid=5339060787&customid=9natree&toolid=10001&mkevt=1
- Read more: https://mybook.top/read/B076VVH14M/
#peoplepleasing #assertiveness #boundaries #sayingno #selfconfidence #NotNice
These are takeaways from this book.
Firstly, Redefining Nice Versus Kind and Spotting the Hidden Costs, A central idea is the distinction between being kind and being nice. Kindness is portrayed as values-based care for others, while niceness can function as a social survival strategy designed to avoid conflict, rejection, or disapproval. The book explores how this pattern can look harmless on the surface yet produce real costs: suppressed opinions, chronic second-guessing, and a habit of prioritizing comfort over truth. Over time, the nice persona can become a mask that blocks intimacy because people cannot connect to feelings and preferences that are never expressed. Gazipura also links niceness to resentment, explaining how unspoken no responses and unmet needs often convert into passive frustration, sarcasm, or emotional withdrawal. Another cost is diminished self-trust, because consistently deferring to others teaches the mind that personal desires are less legitimate. By naming these dynamics, the book invites readers to see that the goal is not to abandon empathy but to remove fear from the driver seat. This reframing helps readers evaluate their behavior with more accuracy: Are they being generous, or are they trying to stay safe by disappearing?
Secondly, Understanding the Roots: Approval Seeking, Anxiety, and Conditioning, The book devotes attention to why people pleasing becomes so automatic. It frames approval seeking as a learned response shaped by early experiences, social norms, and moments where acceptance felt conditional. When being easy, agreeable, or low maintenance is rewarded, the brain can associate self-erasure with belonging. Gazipura connects this to anxiety, especially the anticipation of others reacting badly. In this view, the problem is not simply a lack of assertiveness skills; it is a fear-based prediction that disagreement will lead to punishment, abandonment, or humiliation. The author also addresses internal rules that keep people stuck, such as believing it is selfish to have needs, dangerous to be direct, or morally wrong to disappoint someone. By highlighting these beliefs, the book encourages readers to challenge them and replace them with sturdier assumptions: that discomfort is survivable, that tension can be repaired, and that honest feedback is often a form of respect. This topic sets up the rest of the program by treating niceness as a pattern with understandable origins, not a personal flaw, while still insisting that lasting change requires deliberate practice.
Thirdly, Speaking Up Earlier: Reclaiming Voice and Building Social Courage, A major emphasis is learning to speak up before frustration hardens into resentment. The book frames silence as a short-term relief that creates long-term pressure, and it teaches readers to intervene earlier with small, direct statements. Instead of waiting for the perfect moment or the perfect phrasing, readers are encouraged to practice timely honesty in everyday situations: expressing a preference, correcting a misunderstanding, or naming discomfort while it is still manageable. The approach is aligned with exposure principles, where taking manageable risks expands tolerance for vulnerability. Gazipura suggests that confidence is often the result of action rather than a prerequisite for it, so the reader is invited to practice despite nerves. This topic also covers dropping excessive hedging and apology habits that dilute a message. The goal is not to dominate conversations but to participate as an equal. By repeatedly choosing clarity over comfort, readers can retrain their internal alarm system and gather evidence that being direct rarely produces catastrophe. Over time, this builds a more stable sense of identity because the reader is no longer dependent on constant external reassurance to feel okay in social situations.
Fourthly, Saying No and Setting Boundaries Without Guilt or Overexplaining, Boundary setting is presented as the practical backbone of leaving nice behind. The book challenges the belief that refusal requires an airtight justification, showing how overexplaining can sound like negotiation and invite pressure. Instead, readers are guided toward clean, respectful no responses that communicate limits without hostility. The author also addresses guilt, framing it as an emotional signal that often reflects old conditioning rather than present-day wrongdoing. When people are used to earning acceptance through compliance, any boundary can feel like betrayal, even when it is reasonable. Gazipura encourages readers to tolerate that discomfort and to see guilt as a temporary sensation rather than an instruction. This topic extends to common traps like agreeing to extra work, tolerating disrespect, staying in unwanted conversations, or being the default helper in family dynamics. The focus is on internal permission and external delivery: deciding that needs count, and communicating limits in a way that is simple, consistent, and enforceable. With repetition, boundaries become less dramatic and more routine, which improves relationships because expectations are clearer. People who respect you gain stability, and those who only benefited from your compliance become easier to identify.
Lastly, Asking Boldly and Living Unapologetically as Yourself, Beyond refusing and defending space, the book encourages proactive desire: asking for what you want, initiating conversations, and pursuing goals without waiting for permission. Gazipura frames bold asking as the counterpart to chronic subtlety. When people fear rejection, they often make indirect requests, hint, or hope others will notice their needs. This creates disappointment and reinforces a story of powerlessness. By practicing clear requests, readers build agency and invite more honest responses from others. The author also ties this to authenticity, arguing that many nice patterns are a form of impression management. Unapologetically being yourself in this context means allowing preferences, opinions, and personality to be visible, even when they are not universally liked. This is positioned as the path to better relationships, because connection is stronger when it is based on accurate information rather than performance. The topic includes the idea of aligning behavior with values: choosing candor, self-respect, and courage over short-term approval. In work and leadership settings, this can translate into clearer negotiation and feedback. In personal life, it can mean more direct dating communication, healthier friendships, and less emotional exhaustion from constantly managing others reactions.
- Amazon USA Store: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B076VVH14M?tag=9natree-20
- Amazon Worldwide Store: https://global.buys.trade/Not-Nice-Aziz-Gazipura.html
- Apple Books: https://books.apple.com/us/audiobook/not-nice-stop-people-pleasing-staying-silent-feeling/id1319441691?itsct=books_box_link&itscg=30200&ls=1&at=1001l3bAw&ct=9natree
- eBay: https://www.ebay.com/sch/i.html?_nkw=Not+Nice+Aziz+Gazipura+&mkcid=1&mkrid=711-53200-19255-0&siteid=0&campid=5339060787&customid=9natree&toolid=10001&mkevt=1
- Read more: https://mybook.top/read/B076VVH14M/
#peoplepleasing #assertiveness #boundaries #sayingno #selfconfidence #NotNice
These are takeaways from this book.
Firstly, Redefining Nice Versus Kind and Spotting the Hidden Costs, A central idea is the distinction between being kind and being nice. Kindness is portrayed as values-based care for others, while niceness can function as a social survival strategy designed to avoid conflict, rejection, or disapproval. The book explores how this pattern can look harmless on the surface yet produce real costs: suppressed opinions, chronic second-guessing, and a habit of prioritizing comfort over truth. Over time, the nice persona can become a mask that blocks intimacy because people cannot connect to feelings and preferences that are never expressed. Gazipura also links niceness to resentment, explaining how unspoken no responses and unmet needs often convert into passive frustration, sarcasm, or emotional withdrawal. Another cost is diminished self-trust, because consistently deferring to others teaches the mind that personal desires are less legitimate. By naming these dynamics, the book invites readers to see that the goal is not to abandon empathy but to remove fear from the driver seat. This reframing helps readers evaluate their behavior with more accuracy: Are they being generous, or are they trying to stay safe by disappearing?
Secondly, Understanding the Roots: Approval Seeking, Anxiety, and Conditioning, The book devotes attention to why people pleasing becomes so automatic. It frames approval seeking as a learned response shaped by early experiences, social norms, and moments where acceptance felt conditional. When being easy, agreeable, or low maintenance is rewarded, the brain can associate self-erasure with belonging. Gazipura connects this to anxiety, especially the anticipation of others reacting badly. In this view, the problem is not simply a lack of assertiveness skills; it is a fear-based prediction that disagreement will lead to punishment, abandonment, or humiliation. The author also addresses internal rules that keep people stuck, such as believing it is selfish to have needs, dangerous to be direct, or morally wrong to disappoint someone. By highlighting these beliefs, the book encourages readers to challenge them and replace them with sturdier assumptions: that discomfort is survivable, that tension can be repaired, and that honest feedback is often a form of respect. This topic sets up the rest of the program by treating niceness as a pattern with understandable origins, not a personal flaw, while still insisting that lasting change requires deliberate practice.
Thirdly, Speaking Up Earlier: Reclaiming Voice and Building Social Courage, A major emphasis is learning to speak up before frustration hardens into resentment. The book frames silence as a short-term relief that creates long-term pressure, and it teaches readers to intervene earlier with small, direct statements. Instead of waiting for the perfect moment or the perfect phrasing, readers are encouraged to practice timely honesty in everyday situations: expressing a preference, correcting a misunderstanding, or naming discomfort while it is still manageable. The approach is aligned with exposure principles, where taking manageable risks expands tolerance for vulnerability. Gazipura suggests that confidence is often the result of action rather than a prerequisite for it, so the reader is invited to practice despite nerves. This topic also covers dropping excessive hedging and apology habits that dilute a message. The goal is not to dominate conversations but to participate as an equal. By repeatedly choosing clarity over comfort, readers can retrain their internal alarm system and gather evidence that being direct rarely produces catastrophe. Over time, this builds a more stable sense of identity because the reader is no longer dependent on constant external reassurance to feel okay in social situations.
Fourthly, Saying No and Setting Boundaries Without Guilt or Overexplaining, Boundary setting is presented as the practical backbone of leaving nice behind. The book challenges the belief that refusal requires an airtight justification, showing how overexplaining can sound like negotiation and invite pressure. Instead, readers are guided toward clean, respectful no responses that communicate limits without hostility. The author also addresses guilt, framing it as an emotional signal that often reflects old conditioning rather than present-day wrongdoing. When people are used to earning acceptance through compliance, any boundary can feel like betrayal, even when it is reasonable. Gazipura encourages readers to tolerate that discomfort and to see guilt as a temporary sensation rather than an instruction. This topic extends to common traps like agreeing to extra work, tolerating disrespect, staying in unwanted conversations, or being the default helper in family dynamics. The focus is on internal permission and external delivery: deciding that needs count, and communicating limits in a way that is simple, consistent, and enforceable. With repetition, boundaries become less dramatic and more routine, which improves relationships because expectations are clearer. People who respect you gain stability, and those who only benefited from your compliance become easier to identify.
Lastly, Asking Boldly and Living Unapologetically as Yourself, Beyond refusing and defending space, the book encourages proactive desire: asking for what you want, initiating conversations, and pursuing goals without waiting for permission. Gazipura frames bold asking as the counterpart to chronic subtlety. When people fear rejection, they often make indirect requests, hint, or hope others will notice their needs. This creates disappointment and reinforces a story of powerlessness. By practicing clear requests, readers build agency and invite more honest responses from others. The author also ties this to authenticity, arguing that many nice patterns are a form of impression management. Unapologetically being yourself in this context means allowing preferences, opinions, and personality to be visible, even when they are not universally liked. This is positioned as the path to better relationships, because connection is stronger when it is based on accurate information rather than performance. The topic includes the idea of aligning behavior with values: choosing candor, self-respect, and courage over short-term approval. In work and leadership settings, this can translate into clearer negotiation and feedback. In personal life, it can mean more direct dating communication, healthier friendships, and less emotional exhaustion from constantly managing others reactions.
